girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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