My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize