I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
