i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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