they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
