Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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