rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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