It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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