In the future we'll all be gay
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
