omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
