can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
