You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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