wanna go halves on a baby?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
