Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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