i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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