Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
