Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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