Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
