ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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