masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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