I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
