I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You are a genius and a whore.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
