some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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