After last night, I could never be a politician.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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