I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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