He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
