I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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