You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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