Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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