I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
