i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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