The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize