Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
