Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
