Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ugly people sure do ruin things
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
