I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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