At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
