you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize