Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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