I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Terrible idea I love it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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