Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
