dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
