he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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