I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
