Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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