Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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