so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
