I am puke
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
