my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
