I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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