ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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