sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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