Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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