I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize