ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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